Five Types of Hikers

After much extensive and exhaustive research it has been found, there are five types of hikers. Which one are you?

1. Hard Core Heroes – You set your alarm for what the average person calls ‘the middle of the night’, you need to be up before the sun, you have a job to tick-off and it’s got to be done before anything else.

You meet before dawn all geared up, from the bloody expensive head torches down to your high-end footwear and you are off.

You have seen more sunrises than most people have hot dinners, but no time to stop and enjoy it, you are out to exercise and exercise you must, you are a driven person.

After your trek/run/ride you return home, and are showered, dressed and casually flicking through the newspaper, sipping on a latte as other members of the household shuffle into the kitchen yawning, scratching their heads trying to work out which day of the week it is.

Photo by Štefan Štefančík

Well done to the Hardcore Heroes. Total respect!

2. Talk It Up Trekkers – You are out for both physical and emotional exercise. Once you meet up with your hiking buddies, it’s a quick g’day followed by, ‘You’ll never guess who I bumped into in the supermarket the other day . . .' And you're off.

It is important that you use the same well-worn track that you can follow without thought, map or guidance otherwise you are going to get completely lost.

You maintain a constant pace as the conversation flows. The hike ends something like this, ‘then after I said that to him, do you know what he . . . oh, we’re back at the car park already, did that really take two hours? Ok, gotta go, I’ll tell you the rest of the story next time. Bye.’

Photo by Matt Heaton

Well done to the Talkers, we respect your equally strong lungs and legs!

3. Tax Return Trekkers – I love doing my tax return. Said no one ever.

You take to completing a walk with the same enthusiasm as doing a tax return. Your friend makes the arrangements months in advance, you re-schedule several times before running out of excuses and have to get it done before the deadline friendship is over.

So the time has come, you find your exercise gear at the back of the wardrobe, dust off the shoes and meet at the allotted time and location to do ‘the return walk’.

And whilst on the walk, you try your best not to whinge and whine, but you do question every turn, ensuring you aren’t being duped into walking more than you agreed to. Then as the end is in sight, you begin to relax, you know you are nearly done, you start to take photos, you are feeling good about yourself. You nod your head to yourself as you take in your surroundings, thinking ‘I am out, I am exercising, I am actually doing this’.

Once finished you feel so virtuous, so self-righteous. You post your photos on Facebook and get loads of likes and comments; the validation you were looking for. You. Done. Good.

Photo by Luke Pamer

Well done tax time trekkers, we respect that you get it done, in the end!

4. Lone Wolf Walkers – You do not want company, unless it’s the dog. This hike is for you and just you, this is your escape from life and you are going to rejuvenate on this walk. You can find solutions to the world’s problems and maybe get some insight into your own as you go

You want to be at one with nature - with your clothes on - but perhaps you would like to whip them off if you knew you weren’t going to get caught, and it was warm and sunny, and you weren’t in danger of being stung or bitten, and you didn’t have any saggy bits you weren’t happy about. In fact, if you looked like Elle McPherson or Chris Hemsworth you WOULD whip your clothes off and be at one with nature (as long as you didn’t get caught).

You are adventurous, you know roughly where you are going, but don’t mind trying new tracks. You don’t feel the need to talk to anyone on the hike or to tell anyone about it afterwards. This is your thing.

Photo by Michelle Spencer

Well done lone wolves, we respect your need for solitude.

5. Dine-Out Hikers – You consider yourself as a hiker. You once walked around (insert name here) National Park. You did it, you surprised yourself, you’d even go so far to say you enjoyed it; it was fun.

So when friends say, come for a walk with us, you can answer with, ‘I won’t this time, but maybe next time, I do enjoy going on walks, I did (insert name here) National Park not so long ago, so don’t think I’m not coming because I don’t want to, I can do it, I did it before. Maybe next time.’

You dine-out on the time you did (insert name here) National Park, but you forget that the walk ‘not so long ago’ was in fact three years ago and you haven’t been on a walk since.

Photo by Luis Del Río Camacho

Well done dine-out hikers, we respect your love of (insert name here) National Park!

We hope you just get out there and enjoy it, for what it gives you.


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